Single Mom Reflections Day 2: Acceptance
So I am going to be completely honest. This is not going to
be pretty. Remember I decide to walk through this devotional. Single Mom Strong with Pan Kananly, with you. So I am taking this day by day and writing whatever God places on my heart. I just hope and pray it ministers to you. I will
admit I am probably a day ahead. So the process I have taken is to read the
devotional once before bed. That way it can sit on my heart for awhile. Then reread in the morning where I do my best
reflections on a clear head and write. The alarm went off at 5:30 and I hit snooze
for a half hour. I finally stumble down stairs and sit with the devotional
again. I read it twice and got nothing.
The anxiety crept in. I then told myself, “self just write until it
makes sense.” Ok, I did. I wrote something,
flipped the page, and didn’t like it. Then I had this story and nope I didn’t
want to tell that one. Then I thought of that story and said not that either. Searching
for more I said, Well is there something
more relevant to Allie, it’s her first day of her senior year and you hate it. That isn’t being accepting. Yeah, say that. Nope that didn’t work. Eventually, it hit me that acceptance isn’t
me. Acceptance is what I grapple with daily.
I have no easy antidotes. At this
point anxiety was everywhere and I was afraid I wasn’t going to get anything
out today. Well, that I couldn’t accept. I challenged myself and others to walk
through this and I had to.
I took a break, and decided to shower so that I could got to
noon day bible study. In the shower, which can be the best place to think, I came
up with more stuff to write about and it flowed easily out of my mouth. I went
and got my phone to use the voice recorder and began recording my thoughts. Now earlier, I had the idea to take a look at
the definition of acceptance. I often really like definitions because at time
we use words so commonly that we lose their meaning. We become accustomed to
the feeling of the words and not their definition. So in the shower I became focused on
submission. BOOM!!! I am a woman, a single woman and I have to talk about
submission. Oh Jesus, how is this going to go over? Well, here goes.
I am not a docile, conforming women who is naturally ready
to please. I would be described as headstrong, determined, strategic, astute,
and assertive. Therefore, submission has
really been a learning process for me, depending on who you ask I still have a
long way to go. To add to that I have had a host of women who
have been responsible for my upbringing that would not be described as
submissive. Now, that’s not to say they could not or would not, the truth is
most of the women who raised me were single themselves and had to be those
things to survive. Therefore, submission is not a natural state. The deal of it is that there is a catch to submission.
It hasn’t been until recently that I have heard more people talk about it but it is a
new concept to many. The catch is in the
level of relationship and intimacy to the person you are submitting to. I feel your eyes rolling, let me explain using
the typical context of a romantic relationship. Just follow me, I promise I
will pull this all together.
As single moms, we
are dating, have dated, and or will date right. Some of us may have been
married before. Most of us don’t intend
to stay by ourselves and feel called to be in a committed relationship if not
marriage. If you are reading this and
walking through this devotional I will assume you feel called to a Kingdom
Marriage. Therefore, we have all been
confronted with this concept of being submissive either directly from our
potential candidates or from church leadership who are instructing us. Many women, bristle at the thought of submission
because it connotes abuse and lack of freedom. In our minds it is the ultimate sacrifice
of ourselves and we are wholly and totally devoted to someone else, who for
that matter just might not do us right. So, we can’t imagine ourselves submitting
to anyone or anything at all. As soon as
the subject is broached we are shaking our heads vehemently and ready to use
our words to cut the person who even remotely suggested it. But this is not what submission is at all.
The first time I heard a comprehensive view on submission it
was addressed by my Bishop growing up.
In a nutshell from the pulpit he addressed the men of the church and
said, “If she can’t trust you, she can’t submit to your leadership. She has to
know you’ve got her back.” That stuck with me for a long time, I did not here
it addressed that way again until I was well into adulthood within the last
several years. Truthfully, submission
was something I think people just stayed away from because it was understood to
be isolating and polarizing, so really no one else in the church addressed it. But
the point is your ability to submit is based on your level of intimacy,
connection, and trust. For that to
happen in a romantic context , the man needs to show the ability to sacrifice.
He makes it known that he puts the needs of his wife and family before his own.
To prove this out let’s reflect on
Ephesians 5:21-33 (NIV)
21 Submit
to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives,
submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head
of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is
the Savior. 24 Now
as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything.
25 Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for
her 26 to
make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water
through the word, 27 and
to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or
any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In
this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After
all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body,
just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.
Now I am not a bible scholar and I haven’t attended seminary
but this is just what I receive from the context of these instructions.
First of all, the instructions are for both men and women, the 21st
verse which leads in to detail says, submit to one another. In no way does that just say women. Secondly, it gives is a model of Jesus and
the church. All I can say to that is the
Savior I serve paid his life for the church. Thirdly, the truth of the matter to me is that
there wouldn’t be a church if he didn’t first make that sacrifice. Lastly, the
husband is required to love his wife as himself, making her clean and
presenting her blameless. Now that is a
lot of work and responsibility, especially if you are a girl like me. But again here we still see how Jesus works
with us. Jesus is our advocate and he purifies or sanctifies us. Men are really
called to provide and protect us. To often, do we have the habit of taking bits and pieces of scripture and making
it applicable to having our way in life. So as my current pastor would say, "you
can’t have the text without the context. " This text is instructional to both men and
women.
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| My New Found Quiet Place Today |
Now, how does this relate to the devotional today in no way
did it mention a husband or anything else? How does, acceptance relate to
submission? Glad you asked. Like I said acceptances and submission can be used interchangeable. No matter what our current life status is we
are called to be submitted to God.
James 4:7 New International Version (NIV)
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and
he will flee from you.
God also calls us to
submit to other sources of leadership.
13 For the sake of the Lord submit yourselves to every human authority: to the Emperor, who is the supreme authority, 14 and to the governors, who have been appointed by him to punish the evildoers and to praise those who do good. 15 For God wants you to silence the ignorant talk of foolish people by the good things you do. 16 Live as free people; do not, however, use your freedom to cover up any evil, but live as God's slaves. 17 Respect everyone, love other believers, honor God, and respect the Emperor.
Our ability to be submitted to God or anyone else again
comes back to intimacy. Thank God for
bible study today, intimacy with God was the main thrust of the message. We are
called to find ways to deepen and strengthen our relationship with Him. The Elder said today, “God desires to talk with us in the quite of our own hearts but we
can’t hear Him because of our old lovers. “ She explained that our old lovers, are really
mistakes of the past. The failures of our life that now cause anxiety and
inhibit us from trusting Jesus. How can
we be submitted or accepting of the will of God is we don’t trust him? In addition,
to our past, we also have hang ups as discussed in today’s devotional in regard
to what we feel should be or should have been.
I personally hear this often in conversations always. This often comes
up when the discussion is centered on career goals or relational aspirations. Now, both life and the Bible teaches us to
have expectations, creating a plan, setting goals, striving to attain
something is not adverse to the will of God. But God knows what needs to happen
in order for you to get there and for Him to ultimately get the glory for the
work you do or the relationship you build.
This was never made more profound for me then the time period after my brother
died. This was in October of 2011, at this point I felt like everything was
stripped from me. My brother, Dane’s death was the wall I could not move, but
leading up to that God was slowly stripping things away from me to move me into
a different place. I didn’t know it as it was happening. Most of it I wrote off as life and I just kept rolling with the punches. But, after Dane died I had
nothing. The only person that I had no recollection of life without was gone, I
had no money, my house was going into foreclosure, I no longer had a reliable
car, and soon after the man that I was Godly assured I was going to be my
husband left. I was falling apart. Fortunately, as a part time teacher I held it
together to end the school year but locked myself in the house all summer. At this point it was me and God and when I
say we went to war, we went to war. I told him exactly how I felt and what I
thought. I told him how unfair it was and this was ridiculous. I threw all His promises right back at him and held him accountable to the fact that even
though I wasn’t perfect I had always been h
His child and He promised to take
care of me. As I went thought this
process, I wrote, I read, I prayed, and I ran, really I started to train like a
distance runner. Slowly but surely God began to reveal himself to me and
comfort me. The biggest thing I heard from Him was, WAIT. Huh, wait! Who does that? No, I am supposed to pursue. I
pursued three degrees, I pursued these job opportunities, and at least a man is
supposed to pursue me right? But even in
that, he showed and revealed to me what waiting looked like Waiting, was trusting Him, Waiting required
me to accept the darkness and allow Him to work, waiting was pursuing His face
and developing an intimacy with Him.
Psalm 27:13-14Good News Translation (GNT)
13 I know that I will live to see
the Lord's goodness in this present life.
14 Trust in the Lord.
Have faith, do not despair.
Trust in the Lord.
Be Blessed !!
Love You
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