Lord if I find favor in your sight, Lord please hear my hearts cry!
I’m desperately waiting to be where you are, Ill cross the hottest desert, I’ll travel near of far!
For Your glory, I will do anything, just to see you and to behold You as my king
I wanna be where you are, I gotta be where you are.
It is Day 4 and we are more than half way through the Devotional,
Single Mom Strong. I hope you are
enjoying it and getting something from it.
Yesterday and today I have found it a little easier to share. The panic
only last for a few minutes now.
I opened today with the lyrics to “For Your Glory,” by Tasha Cobbs.
This song is often sang by the praise team at my church. I find myself pouring my heart out to Jesus
when singing it. It immediately came to
my heart when I read today’s devotion.
Loneliness is where I find myself in the most desperate place. In this place is where doubt sets in. This is
where I’m angry, I fight, scream, and yell often. Loneliness overcomes my soul
in a way fear, regret, and other hardships cannot. Even now as I write the tears in my eyes
sometimes don’t convey how much loneliness hurts. I often feel like the people
in my life don’t seem to know how often it aches. Sometimes I can find myself lonely in the
presence of a large crowd, even loving company.
Moments like holidays or special accomplishments I wish there was that
special someone to share it with.
As I’ve said in previous post I’m a girl’s girl. If I didn’t plan anything else I planned to be
married. I planned for a family, I was
the one who dreamed of the husband, the house, 2.5 kids, the dog, and a picket
fence. Furthermore, I was going to have it all before 25. Well, I’m
closer to 35 than 25, I have a house that I am barely holding onto, a kid who
is on her way out the house sooner than I can blink, two dogs and a cat. This is not exactly the balance equation. The
missing husband seems to be a huge variable that’s hard to factor out. Then I
am often outrageously astounded when I hear married woman say, “I never really
imagined myself married, or knew I wanted kids, It just happened.” How infuriating!!!
In my loneliness I often look back and try to figure out what I did
wrong. How I got passed up when the gift of constant companionship was being
passed out. Sometimes, I’ve felt like it
was God’s way of punishing me for being out of order and outside of the bonds
of covenant. Then sometimes I just think
it’s my own idealism and I didn’t take advantage of what’s in front of me.
There have been a few men who wanted to marry me. Or maybe I spent too much time on those men
that I were not my husband, wasted time and energy. I apparently am not a good judge of character
and the guy God sent I was too preoccupied to find. I try not to struggle with these thoughts but
they come.
Even though, these heartaches are real, I know I serve a God that
hears and knows my pain. He has promised
to give us our heart desires. I believe that it is in His will for me to live
out my future with a God sent mate.
Again, he didn’t tell me no, He said wait. I’m still in the darkness of
His cocoon and I know I will emerge a victorious butterfly, ready to fly with
all the richness He desires to give me. My, mother who is truly a God sent,
also reminds me that because I am ready does not mean that my future husband may
not be ready. Therefore, bringing that
person in my life may do more damage than good. I can’t rush the process. I also know that God is ta comforter, He does
make things better, especially, in the darkest moments I gave directly and out loud
as king for the Holy Spirit comfort. I
can be touchy feely person so the one thing about companionship is that I desire
touch. I have had several nights with red puffy eyes, tear soaked pillow
nights, I have said I really need to fee you God. Please wrap your arms around me. I curl up in
my blanket and pull it tight and after a while I feel the as loving, comfort of
Jesus. My spirit is and heart are till. I peace comes over me.
For this I praise Jesus through the storm. I pour out to Him everything
as my father. He can handle all of the anger, joy, and sadness. I believe he
will make all things new and my blessing is coming,
There will be a time when my coffers are full and I will have the
blessing that overflow.
Everything comes at God's speed. I learned from a guy I was dating that I wasn't comfortable with myself which was why I felt lonely. That was so true, it took me a little over a year of crying, praying, loneliness to realize exactly who I am and what I am worth. Now, my light will shine with whomever the Lord has chosen for me. Inner reflections will help you dear love. Xoxo
ReplyDeleteI think this ring true for a lot of women. We see people all around us getting married or having children then we often began to question is there something wrong with me or what did I do to deserve this. I often feel sometimes is it worth doing things God's way. But I began to think of how things would be if I just wait on the Lord. I think of the issues that can be avoided if I just wait and not try to do it myself. I know he's is out there just waiting on God to have us cross paths
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