On Day One of the devotional,Single Mom Strong with Pam Kanaly , we are introduced to the theme
of this seven day reflection, Building Emotional Strength. Wow!!! If you’re a mom like me and the other
moms I know this is a big deal. I’m sure this is applicable to all mothers
single or not. To demonstrate how this
has worked in my life I’ll take a few minutes to introduce myself. I am Ashley Evans a 32 year old single mother
and native Clevelander. I gave birth to my daughter over 17 years ago when I
was 15. In May of 1998 at 6:03 a.m. I
embarked on the most challenging and rewarding journey of my life. This journey has become my life’s testimony.
So, not only am I a single mom but I am a teen mother as well. One of the
biggest arguments against teen pregnancy is emotional stability. Many people
have spouted statistical information and stories that reflect the unstable
emotional environment that teens provide for their children. Well, I don’t disagree. It I very very
difficult to provide emotional stability for anyone as a teenager. We all know
that our teen years are pivotal in our emotional development. The increase levels
of hormones, responsibilities, and pressure of a teenager is not something that
any of us have found easy. Early on, as
I was carrying my child for nine months this was one of my biggest concerns.
How was I going to provide a nurturing, caring environment for her that was different
then my own? This has remained a concern
throughout her life. I have not wanted her to be adversely affected by any
negative emotions I carry.
I wasn’t raised in the most emotionally stable environment either,
even though my parents were not teenage parents. They themselves fought battles
with things that plagued them and I saw much of this. Consequently, for me emotional stability was
a bit foreign. Always being very intuitive and self-reflective I knew that one of
the reasons for my pregnancy was the emotional battle that I was in. As a mother I was terrified of repeating behaviors
that I saw as I was growing up. My first thought was to remove myself and my
child from this environment and to protect her from the people who produced the
negative energy that I felt I was drowning in. Then, I enlisted and allowed
people who I trusted to show her unconditional love in a way that I may not have
been capable of , acknowledging my short comings and asking for help. Most importantly,
I prayed.
I committed my life to Christ on Easter Sunday of 1990. This was just the date of my public
profession, I am a church girl who grew up in Jesus from the time I could remember.
In the church environment I was nurtured in, it was a requirement and expectation
to have fervor for the Lord. As a child
I was always busy in ministry, through the choir, praise dance, Sunday school
productions and service. I was the real life Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
saint. We did church for fun. But as a
teenager, I began to question who God was and how he operated in relation to my
life. Therefore, at a point our relationship became a roller coaster ride. Even as His child, pain and heartache was all too
real and I just couldn’t figure out why that was since I knew Jesus. Even though, I went through many ups and downs
the one thing that kept my heart beat for God and would always pull me through was the knowledge that he would never leave me. Now I often refer to myself as the
“Girl after God’s Own Heart.” This is
comparing myself to David, whom God called a “Man after His own Heart.” (Acts
13:22) This is befitting to the the
verse today, seeing David is the most notable psalmist. The reason why I refer to myself in this
manner is not because of David’s many accomplishments and the way he Honor God
and His kingdom, but because of the mistakes David made. As you learn about David you will see he made
many mistakes, some of those mistakes were egregious. That’s just a fancy way to say big and bad. He
did some horrible things because of his emotions, such as having Uriah killed
so that he can have his wife Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11). Now I haven’t killed
anyone but I have done somethings that I find horrible because of my emotions.
I have done many thing that I have felt shamed and did not honor God. To tell
the truth some of these things still happen.
But, somehow I always come back, head bowed, and crawling but I come
back to Jesus. In coming back I have known
sometimes not consciously but that little tug says Jesus will help. When we call out for Jesus’s help He shows
up. He is really our Savior, not just
from some sin but all sin. I remember that
in High School we had a homework assignment for religion class to write a
prayer. (I went to an all-girl catholic high school, so we were required to
pray.) I wish I could find the prayer to share with you but what I remember is
that it was about him being my source of help.
I also remember that a portion of that prayer reflects on the fact that
sometimes I was so deep in despair that I didn’t even know what to ask for, I just
yelled HELP!!!!!
Today reflect on Psalms 28 because Jesus is our help, our strength
and our strong tower no matter what we have done. I know as a single mom, we often feel our
singleness is something that we caused and is often shameful. But let’s thank
God for the grace we find in Jesus, He is awesome! He still loves us, we can
always return to him. Listen to what he
says to you today. What emotions, what stuff do we need to lay at his feet and
let him take care of? Be reminded today
that He is your help and He hears you.
Hear me when I cry to you for help, when I lift my hands (In surrender)* toward your holy temple.
(2) Give praise to you Oh Lord, He has heard my cry for help. The
Lord protects and defends me. I trust him (6-7a)
Psalms 28:2, 6-7 (GNT)
I Look Forward to Hearing from You
I Love You
Ashley R Evans
*Insertions are my own
http://bible.com/r/Ol
http://bible.com/r/Ol
No comments:
Post a Comment