The Lord is my light and my salvations, so why should I be
afraid?
The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why
should I tremble?
Psalms 27:1 (NLT)
The Single Mom Strong Day 3 Reflection is on Fear.
Fear is huge for many people. We live in a world where so
much can happen and we feel as if we need to be guarded constantly. Fear stands
in the way of us experiencing many things, it is constricting. To tie into yesterday’s post fear inhibits
full submission to God. It is one of those old lovers I referred to. We talked about letting God work while we
wait, in this process we have no control over the outcome, which for those of
us who are control freaks is terrifying. Fear can take deep roots and really grow
strongly if we aren’t careful. As mothers we can be fearful of many things and
never understand why we have those feelings. How many conversations do we have
about what we hope our children do because otherwise we fear the outcome won’t
be well? Or what about when we hover
over them to protect them from the things we may not have been guarded from? Sometimes, we don’t realize we are doing them
a disservice because we are limiting their experience and planting the same
seeds of fear. Comfort, safety and stability
are our most common desires. PsychologyToday States,”
Fear is a vital response to
physical and emotional danger—if we didn't feel it, we couldn't protect
ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far
from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or
bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell.
Yet exposing
ourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them.
I’ve noticed the
older I get the more fearful I have become. Life has a way of beating up on our
confidence. The more experiences that
don’t get you the results you expected the more discouraged we get. I described myself in the previous post as
calculated and strategic. Looking at my
childhood I’m not sure if I was always that.
My parents could probably lend more insight because I was a girls girl,
very prissy, so I wasn’t going to get too dirty and I had no real interest in
any activity I thought I was going to get hurt.
However, when I was encourage to do something or be in a place that was
unfamiliar I was willing to do it. I
feel like I would at least try once. Therefore by high school I was willing to
do things that most girls who grew up in an urban area were not. But there was
a shift.
To give a comparative example we can look at my high school
track experience. My freshman year I decided
I was going to participate in African dance, gospel choir, the swim team and
track. Gospel choir and African dance I
wasn’t very committed to. It was hit or miss as to whether or not I made it to
practice. But I made it every day to swimming and track. Swimming was good, I enjoy the water and had
a good experience seeing it was my first time swimming competitively. Track was even better. I went thought conditioning and was
determined to make it were some of my fellow classmates fell away. Seeing that ,
I was a novice I started the season doing both track and field events. I threw
the shot put and discus, as well as contributed as a sprinter in open and relay
races. My coach nearly used me anywhere
he could. Later in the season we had a relatively
big meet and for whatever reason we had a lot of girls absent. My, coach had to make some big adjustments to
assure we had enough coverage in the races to earn decent points. I’m there and he looks at me and says, “Ashley
you’re going to have to hurdle today.” I
doubtfully, retorted and said” how?’ I can’t do that!” I felt there was no way
I would be able to make it over, remember I’m the girl that doesn’t like to
hurt herself. He said, “Ashley, yes you
can! You’ve have the highest standing jump on the team. We need you.” I didn’t know that the skill drills we did
before the season meant anything and that he kept a record of them to help us
make decision as a team and to enhance our ability to accomplish the goals we
set. As an aside, This reminds me of,
Jeremiah 29:11 (GNT)
11 I alone know the plans I have for
you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the
future you hope for.[a]
Seeing that God created us and intricately designed us to be
who we are he of course has the master plans and knows our skills and abilities
to coach us towards our goal and bring us more than we expected. Getting back to the story, I complied. Still nervous and not sure of what would
happen I went in for the team. The first hurdle race was the shuttle
relay. If I remember I was the third
leg. When it was my turn I just went.
All I thought about was finishing and not knocking over a hurdle so that we
would not be disqualified. This was a
hilarious site to see from what I understand but I did it. I can remember after the race going to sit
with my boy crush of the moment and he said, ‘ Oh, my God I’m glad you
finished. I thought you were going to kill yourself out there.” Nonetheless, yes I finished and as a matter
of fact we placed in that raced and earned a ribbon. From that point on I was on the hurdle team
and that was my sole contribution to the team.
Now the following year by the time track season came around
I was seven months pregnant. Obviously I
missed that year. My junior year I didn’t
participate in much because I worked but by January I was ready to get back on
the track. My first practice was horrible, my legs felt like led. This was unimaginable
because I lost all my baby weight so in my young mind I thought I was just going
to get out there and it would feel like riding a bike. Man, was I wrong. But I kept
going for a while. After some
conditioning we got into our specialty teams. I went with the new hurdle coach. I was really proud of what I did well as a
hurdler and I was ready to get back in the saddle. At this point I had some training and
technique so this should was going to be a walk in the park. My led thighs weren’t going to stop me. We
started hurdle drills, it was my turn, and I got into position and took off
down the course and stopped at the first hurdle. I tried it again, 1, 2, 3 jump! Nope it didn’t
happen that time. Ok, let’s walk it a few time just to get used to going over. I did that a few times and tried it again. No
Go!! That was my last practice and I
never ran again until I was 30.
Looking back on that experience, I lost my ability to be
fearless. I was no longer able to let go
and just do. In this situation the trauma wasn’t even associated with track, I
never failed to complete a race or get disqualified, I didn’t hurt myself or
break anything but I was a 16 year old mom. I made what some would consider the biggest
mistake of my life. Because of my pregnancy
my body changed and I missed a season of training. I lost focus and I lost my confidence. Since then there has been many other things
that I know I have not been successful in because I was restricted by fear.
Even this current process of writing and sharing I have been avoiding for
years. These past few days have been a deep dive. I get scared of someone
finding typos, not being clear in message, being perceived as high and mighty,
or not enough for someone. There are so many things that go through my mind as
we share but I’m here.
What I have learned thought experience is that in order to
receive what you need you have to be vulnerable. Fear keeps us guarded and protected and we
can’t get what we need. Until we open up to possibilities we can’t receive the
rewards. If we open up to Jesus and keep our eye on Him, He promises to take
care of us. He really is our shepherd. He will guides us and protect us, We
just have to let Him.
How do your fears affect your children?
Blessings,
Love You
Ashley Evans
Love!
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